[FOSDEM] It's time for a Code of Conduct

[Andreia Gaita]

On Fri, Oct 30, 2015 at 1:47 PM, Daniel Pocock <daniel at pocock.pro> wrote:
>
>
> On 30/10/15 13:06, Andreia Gaita wrote:
> > This is not a question of "Why". It's a question of "When". If you're
> > asking why, especially in shocked, appaled or sarcastic tones, you
> > seriously should take it upon yourselves to rethink your attitude
> > towards other people and maybe realize that being an unempathetic
> > asshole might work well when you're chugging beers with your mates, but
> > doesn't really help towards making the tech environment a place where
> > everybody can feel safe and supported.
> >
> > You want to know why a code of conduct is needed? Because of you, that's
> > why.
>
> You have written about people being unempathetic but I feel this
> conclusion fails to show empathy with the people you are trying to
> convince.  You literally conclude with an "us-and-them" posture.
>

Why would I be empathetic towards people that are being sarcastic and
dismissive of something that has been clearly shown to be important through
countless examples and conversations over the years? Why am I the one
required to be empathetic towards people who apparently don't think that
this is important because it doesn't happen to them?

No, I don't think so. This is not a situation where I have to beg for
understanding and be nice so that I get cookies and everybody's friendly.
I'm not going to waste empathy in replying to posts that are jokey,
sarcastic and dismissive towards something that's very real and very
important to a lot of people. I'm going to be as blunt and straightforward
as I can, because that's the only way to show how important this is and how
offensive the sarcasm and dismissiveness is. It is more offensive than any
curse word I could use, and there's no way I'm going to empathize with it.
Sorry, it's just way beyond my empathy capabilities.

I hesitated a lot in jumping into this thread, because it's tiring and
always comes down tone policing and "why can't we just be nice" and doing
this year after year is sooo tiring. But I realized that if the BS wasn't
called, it would be as if it were real and valid and not total BS, and I
would be as responsible for continuing this state of things as the people
who spout the BS.

I am sad for having to use harsh words and tones. I do not apologize for
them. It's always painful and uncomfortable when things get harsh, but we
have come to a time where the BS needs to stop. This whole "why" BS needs
to stop. Whether fosdem organizers have the ability to enforce a code of
conduct is something that needs to be discussed, and how staff gets
trained, how things get implemented, these are all important conversations
that need to be happening. The "why", now *that* is a BS conversation that
needs to go the way of the dodo.
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